barbara walters just said penis...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
