I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
