you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize