Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
