I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
