The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
