Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
