Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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