life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
