No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
