So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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