your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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