Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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