omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
