here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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