he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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