Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
