Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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