I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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