Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
