are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sex in a hospital.. check
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
