You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
