If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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