dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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