how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
