i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I smell stomach acid.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
