I met the friendliest cop last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
