You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
