I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
