I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
