My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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