I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
