you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
