we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
