i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
