Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
