i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
