Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
