he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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