sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've blown a few things in my day
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
