Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize