woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
