SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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