My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
