i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
