My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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