Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
