So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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