I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
