I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
