well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
