I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
