We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Welp...herpes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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