Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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