Kiss
Puke
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
