Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
