connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
