my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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