Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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