I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
