Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
