I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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