I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
