he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
