Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this will be a night to untag.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
