were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
